One back asswards country

With all due respect to those that have been born and bred in the UK...I think your country is awesome and I've enjoyed the opportunity to become part of it for awhile. Thank you for welcoming my family and I with open arms...err...well, how 'bout a sideways glance and an abrupt and not-so-subtle "Harumph." Of course I'm making an incredibly broad statement and there have been a very pleasant few: for instance, our neighbor in #7 who so graciously made me aware that it's 5pm and our trash isn't allowed outside until 7 pm. And...there were a couple of neighbors that swung by one evening to tell me that they "didn't see anything" the night the thief broke into our car and robbed us of our latest technological toys. So, I guess it's not all bad. *sigh*

As you may have guessed, the transition has not been as easy as we had originally anticipated. We knew that when we arrived we'd immediately have to learn how to look the opposite way before crossing a street. We also expected that driving on the "wrong" side of the road would be indeed a challenge. What we didn't realize before coming over here were the following...and this is just a mere sampling:

1- We pay an exorbinant amount for rent per month...the agents list the rent per week instead of per month. We've reached the conclusion that they do this for one simple reason. It makes it sound like you aren't financing a third world country. What's so backwards about this? Our house, instead Huxtable-esq looks more like we live in the projects of lower Manhattan. And no, I'm not kidding.

2-Not only do they drive backwards but they walk on the wrong side of the sidewalks. Please excuse me, I meant to say pavements. Whatever you do...don't even think about moseying your way to the right-hand side. You.Will.Get.Run.Over.

3-It takes forever for you to convince someone to take your money. Here's an example: "Well, Mr. Car Salesman, here's a really large lump of cash (when converted to dollars that is), now I want THAT car." "That blue one with four doors?" "Yes, that one." "Right. Fine. Let us begin the paperwork." ...15 minutes goes by... "Sir, I'm sorry but you have no credit in the UK, we can't take your cash, so you can't have that car." "You mean...you won't take this money because I don't have credit yet?" "Yes, come back when you have a proper UK account." Lovely.

4- There are video cameras everwhere! At times it feels as though we're living on a huge set of Big Brother. I read in the paper that a Londoner gets caught on camera 300 times a day on average. YET...when your car gets broken into or you get robbed on the street, no one seems to see anything and the police don't even bother. (no, we haven't been robbed on the street yet but our day is coming...I can feel it).

5- I dial 999...a woman answers "Hello this is EMERGENCY services...what's your EMERGENCY?" "There is a man having a fist fight with his wife/girlfriend on their balcony while she's holding her screaming baby. Hurry, he's escaping down the gutter!" "Can you hold." "Uh...do I have to?" "Yes, you do have to hold, there's a queue." Click. 20 minutes later they return my call. "Hello this is the police...what was your emergency again?" "Ah....nevermind."

6- Customer service. What customer service??

7- Traffic lights. Yellow comes BEFORE green...AND...after green. Here are the rules: you jump the yellow if it's before the green but you stop at the yellow if it's after the green. Confusing? Try driving a manual, sitting on the right, driving on the left while checking your blind spots which are now...backwards.

8- You have to pay to use a shopping cart. I mean, trolley. You get your pound back but still. Do they honestly believe you're going to walk off with it? You can't possibly because you had to go through pay-gates to get into the parking lot in the first place.

9- Actually, I take back #8. Thieves will take absolutely ANYTHING here. If you have to leave your buggy/push chair/pram (i.e. stroller) outside, I highly suggest you remove one wheel and chain it to a tree.

9- TiVo...don't even get me started on TiVo! It's sooo backwards that it's depressing.

10- Being friendly is at times considered being obnoxious. Being cold is being friendly.

11- Who decided that it was okay to start television shows 10 past the hour...better yet, 17 minutes past the hour?? And speaking of TV...why are you bleeping out 'crap' and yet allowing people to drop 'F-bombs' like it's 1942? And who put ER, Third Watch and Cold Case on at 9 in the morning? Helloooo??

12- Personal space people. Please quit breathing in my ear...whilst (see I'm learning their verbiage) I might smell very nice, I don't really appreciate your coffee breath. Please back up or for the love of pete, get in front of me if it makes the queue faster for you. You're from the UK...you invented the queue! At least do it properly please.

13- Why can't I put all my outgoing mail in little box outside my front door. Can't Mr. or Ms. Royal Mail Officer pick it up as he/she drops off my incoming mail? PLEASE?? I'm tired of walking to the post office in the rain.

14- "Private" schools are free and public schools cost money. And based on the car that the headmistress at our school drives...teaching pays quite a bit more out here.

And last but not least (for now that is)...

15-Umbrellas. Umbrellas are backwards because if you put them up to protect yourself from the nasty rain, chances are the wind will turn it inside out and backwards for you.

So....anyone up for a visit?